... jason mraz: we sing, we dance, we steal things ...

i cannot sleep. i'm going to babble on again. my mind is so awake. i've got a lot of thinking to do. so please be patient with me. i just can't stop writing. my train of thought is everywhere so just read on at your own risk.

i'm listening to Jason Mraz' new album now, "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things" and he's done it again. he's just amazing! i am still astounded at how good he is at writing those words, pure poetry. and the melodies and his voice? so, great! i especially love the track "Details in the Fabric" featuring James Morrison. i feel the sadness and a hint of hope in it. this is his best album yet, i think. i felt a lot of powerful emotions listening to this album. the album felt like i was riding a rollercoaster. after listening to the whole album, you cannot help yourself but repeat the whole thing again. its quite addictive! it's as if you're with him, beside him, experiencing whatever he went through when he did this. it's just incredible!

... wasabi ...

i just read a blog post about ice cream, and oh, how i love ice cream! if it wasn't for my being lactose-intolerant, i would be eating ice cream almost every day. there's something comforting about eating ice cream. i love its texture and this smooth and creamy feeling that it leaves in my mouth. i love how it is so soothing and relaxing. it should have the right sweetness, creaminess and temperature and its perfect! my favorite flavours are coffee, green tea and vanilla. i know, i know. those are boring flavours. but, i don't like too much trimmings with my ice cream, like sprinkles, brownies and stuff. though, i love nuts and unusual flavours with my ice cream. however, i must admit, i have not been that adventurous with the flavours. but, i have always wondered if there is a wasabi-flavoured ice cream out there? or maybe just a hint of it? i love wasabi! what kind of sensations would it induce? maybe i could mix it up with vanilla or any nut-flavoured ice cream like macadamia? hmmm... maybe i should try it. time to experiment!

... ingrid michaelson ...

i finally have the Girls and Boys album of Ingrid Michaelson!

i've been waiting for months to get this album. its not available here in the Philippines that's why i had to wait for my sister to send me one from the US, and it's worth the wait. i've been listening to it thru my mp3 player for 3 straight days. i love "The Way I Am" and "Breakable"! her voice is very refreshing to hear and her music, well, pleasant to the ears.

here is the lyrics to one of my faves:

The Way I Am

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

visit her site at Ingrid Michaelson

... restless ...

i just felt restless suddenly. there have been some events in my life that got me thinking. there have also been some events happening with some of my friends' lives and they have affected me in both positive and negative ways. one is about love... receiving and giving it, unconditionally. and the other is about career... living your dream successfully. i feel like everything is delayed for me. or i just simply stopped and took on a different direction. but, i know i wanted these things that i have now, the experiences and the knowledge. i just feel like i'm in slow motion. i know i pushed that button because of the past events that happened in my life. but, now, it got me all frustated because now i see that i'm being left behind. i don't feel regret though. no, i don't think this is regret. i just don't like to be left behind. it isn't too late for me, right? i can still move on. i can still do the things that i wanted and needed to do, my passions and my dreams. the avenues are there. i just have to look for them and actually act on them. i must think things through and have courage.

the other thing that has affected me so much right now is the direction of this "lovelife thing." where is it going? and why do the "wrong guys" keep coming to me? why do i say "wrong guys"? because they either have girlfriends or wives already. (please, stay away from me! go home to your wives and be with your girlfriends and stay there!) it was easier for me before when i didn't think about finding someone in my life, a partner, maybe a husband. i've always thought that i didn't need someone beside me. but, now, the gate has been opened and the flooding begins. i don't want to think about it but the idea keeps knocking on my head and possibly my .. ehem.. i can't even write it down, hmm... ok, my heart! there! i said it! *sigh* sometimes, i just don't want to go out or i'll stay in one place (which i usually do) so no one will catch me. i'll just run and do the things i want to do. no one will see me... just my trail. if anyone catches me, i hope he'll be ready for me. and hopefully, i'll be ready for him too.

... my dream: batanes ...

when I saw a feature on Batanes when I was in high school (waaayyy back), the images of that place never left my mind. i've always dreamt i would go there, someday. maybe live there, even for a short period of time, on my own. when i saw it, i felt like that place was magical. i felt like i would feel free there. as if, no one would care and let you be. no judgement, no pretenses. just being one with nature and being one with everything. i may just be romanticizing Batanes, but i truly think it is a wonderfully beautiful place.

that dream still hasn't left my mind. i feel like i am craving even more to go there. its a place to escape and maybe even a place to finding one's self. i think it is a need for me now to go there. i need to go there, soon. maybe i'll find what i have been searching for so long ... myself.

... kind of getting in focus ...

my mind is not so cluttered anymore. i'm beginning to see some clarity in my vision, physically and mentally. i was very emotional last time when i could not focus on what i will do in the future. i was scared. my confidence was on the low-end. i think i was about to get sick physically. i was on the verge of just running away for awhile and forget everything. although, i would like to do that in the future just to keep my sanity. i have to re-do my list though so i will be more focused and organized.

i have been searching the net for art residencies. hopefully, i'll be able to get in one. but, first, i have to fix my portfolio and start painting again. i found my art materials again - paints, brushes and stuff. they were in a box in our storage room. they were getting a bit dusty and literally had some cobwebs already. as for my stretched canvasses, i have two available already but i have yet to inspect them and maybe re-prime them. they are very dirty already. i think once i start holding my brush and start painting, everything will come back to me bit by bit. i had set some goals for myself a long time ago and i'm very far behind, about 2-3 years! too long! have to start moving again and pursue my dreams again. i stopped painting when i got disillusioned about the artworld here. there was a lot of politics. you have to play around with the people who are "moving" the artworld. i felt like a puppet. i could not do what i wanted to do because i felt they were dictating what i should be doing. i lost myself. its been 3 years since i did any work/painting. now, i'm determined to paint again. i have to move on Now! time to do my own thing without any dictators.

.. between reality and dreaming ...

i have been managing our provincial branch for more than a month now and its kind of rejuvenating at first. but, now, i'm kind of getting bored. i know i should have more time for myself (which is a LOT!) and more time to do the other things that i wanted to do again. but, i'm lacking the motivation. i'm sooo.. lazy! i want to get out more instead of just staying home. the thing is, eventhough i dont have a lot of things to do, my mind is very cluttered. my mind is out of focus. physically, even my vision is blurry now. i know what i want to do. i just dont have the courage to start. my mind keeps rambling on and on and on about different things that are going on with my life. i should list them down, wait, i have listed them down but i just keep staring at some of the things in my list. some i have done already, and the others... i dont know. maybe there's boredom mixed into it and a bit of loneliness. hmmm... loneliness? i don't know. maybe i am just truly bored.

i have to focus now. i feel like i am between two worlds and everything's a blur. my vision should come in focus soon. it should or i would be in limbo for awhile. and that's not a good place to be in.