my mind is not so cluttered anymore. i'm beginning to see some clarity in my vision, physically and mentally. i was very emotional last time when i could not focus on what i will do in the future. i was scared. my confidence was on the low-end. i think i was about to get sick physically. i was on the verge of just running away for awhile and forget everything. although, i would like to do that in the future just to keep my sanity. i have to re-do my list though so i will be more focused and organized.
i have been searching the net for art residencies. hopefully, i'll be able to get in one. but, first, i have to fix my portfolio and start painting again. i found my art materials again - paints, brushes and stuff. they were in a box in our storage room. they were getting a bit dusty and literally had some cobwebs already. as for my stretched canvasses, i have two available already but i have yet to inspect them and maybe re-prime them. they are very dirty already. i think once i start holding my brush and start painting, everything will come back to me bit by bit. i had set some goals for myself a long time ago and i'm very far behind, about 2-3 years! too long! have to start moving again and pursue my dreams again. i stopped painting when i got disillusioned about the artworld here. there was a lot of politics. you have to play around with the people who are "moving" the artworld. i felt like a puppet. i could not do what i wanted to do because i felt they were dictating what i should be doing. i lost myself. its been 3 years since i did any work/painting. now, i'm determined to paint again. i have to move on Now! time to do my own thing without any dictators.
i have been searching the net for art residencies. hopefully, i'll be able to get in one. but, first, i have to fix my portfolio and start painting again. i found my art materials again - paints, brushes and stuff. they were in a box in our storage room. they were getting a bit dusty and literally had some cobwebs already. as for my stretched canvasses, i have two available already but i have yet to inspect them and maybe re-prime them. they are very dirty already. i think once i start holding my brush and start painting, everything will come back to me bit by bit. i had set some goals for myself a long time ago and i'm very far behind, about 2-3 years! too long! have to start moving again and pursue my dreams again. i stopped painting when i got disillusioned about the artworld here. there was a lot of politics. you have to play around with the people who are "moving" the artworld. i felt like a puppet. i could not do what i wanted to do because i felt they were dictating what i should be doing. i lost myself. its been 3 years since i did any work/painting. now, i'm determined to paint again. i have to move on Now! time to do my own thing without any dictators.
