i just felt restless suddenly. there have been some events in my life that got me thinking. there have also been some events happening with some of my friends' lives and they have affected me in both positive and negative ways. one is about love... receiving and giving it, unconditionally. and the other is about career... living your dream successfully. i feel like everything is delayed for me. or i just simply stopped and took on a different direction. but, i know i wanted these things that i have now, the experiences and the knowledge. i just feel like i'm in slow motion. i know i pushed that button because of the past events that happened in my life. but, now, it got me all frustated because now i see that i'm being left behind. i don't feel regret though. no, i don't think this is regret. i just don't like to be left behind. it isn't too late for me, right? i can still move on. i can still do the things that i wanted and needed to do, my passions and my dreams. the avenues are there. i just have to look for them and actually act on them. i must think things through and have courage.
the other thing that has affected me so much right now is the direction of this "lovelife thing." where is it going? and why do the "wrong guys" keep coming to me? why do i say "wrong guys"? because they either have girlfriends or wives already. (please, stay away from me! go home to your wives and be with your girlfriends and stay there!) it was easier for me before when i didn't think about finding someone in my life, a partner, maybe a husband. i've always thought that i didn't need someone beside me. but, now, the gate has been opened and the flooding begins. i don't want to think about it but the idea keeps knocking on my head and possibly my .. ehem.. i can't even write it down, hmm... ok, my heart! there! i said it! *sigh* sometimes, i just don't want to go out or i'll stay in one place (which i usually do) so no one will catch me. i'll just run and do the things i want to do. no one will see me... just my trail. if anyone catches me, i hope he'll be ready for me. and hopefully, i'll be ready for him too.
the other thing that has affected me so much right now is the direction of this "lovelife thing." where is it going? and why do the "wrong guys" keep coming to me? why do i say "wrong guys"? because they either have girlfriends or wives already. (please, stay away from me! go home to your wives and be with your girlfriends and stay there!) it was easier for me before when i didn't think about finding someone in my life, a partner, maybe a husband. i've always thought that i didn't need someone beside me. but, now, the gate has been opened and the flooding begins. i don't want to think about it but the idea keeps knocking on my head and possibly my .. ehem.. i can't even write it down, hmm... ok, my heart! there! i said it! *sigh* sometimes, i just don't want to go out or i'll stay in one place (which i usually do) so no one will catch me. i'll just run and do the things i want to do. no one will see me... just my trail. if anyone catches me, i hope he'll be ready for me. and hopefully, i'll be ready for him too.
