direction

i am lacking in direction right now. i'm a bit lost. i've lost my passion. i just want to go to a secluded place, surrounded by nature, and just.... meditate? nah, maybe, just let my mind wonder around for awhile. maybe by wo(a)ndering around, i'll be able to find something. i cant seem to find any meaning to what i have been doing lately. actually, i know what i am doing and why i am doing those things. i just lost my passion. my mind is muddled. i am mentally-, emotionally-, and physically-drained. its hard for me to get up in the morning. everything just seems so hard to do. i want to get away... away from everything right now.

i look horrible... i feel horrible! and i'm bringing it to our store. i think my staff feels it too. i don't want them to feel it, but its there. i just cant help it.

i know i should be feeling wonderful because there have been a lot of blessings coming in. i just don't know why i am feeling like this. i'm in a rut.

hopefully, our trip to bangkok will help me. change of environment, change of ambiance.... just simply a change from my routine.

could my meds be affecting my moods? i think so. i need to flush them out of my system immediately. i need a change. i need to change soon or i'll go insane!